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THE GREY TWILIGHT

by

The VERSE

the grey twilight is the in between, the too scared to live and too scared to die spot of life. a coward's nest. a true living hell on earth where all doubts and insecurities cause you to stop feeling and living and become distant to all that you love. are you there right now? who put you there? did it hurt that bad when they drove their words right through you? how long you plan on isolating yourself here? are you that afraid to feel joy and pain again? you know i'm looking in the mirror right now asking myself this, that's right, a warrior and an angel stuck in the grey twilight like a tractor in the mud spinning it's wheels. it just happened one day and wrapped itself into years. i was on fire and couldn't be stopped. i even scared the devil and made that bitch hide deep in the depths beyond the grey twilight, but that mother fucker crept back in through my doubt and insecurities and strangled me very slowly through time, hell i thought i was dancing with an angel for awhile and then she moved and i saw my face in the mirror and felt the pain of 10 years hit me and ride my heart all at once. the paralyzed notion to stop living overcame me and begged me to enter the grey twilight like a coward and turn my back on my responsibilities to the world. i want to go to sleep and not wake up but that would be too easy. the truth is i have been blessed with a gift that has cursed me and i haven't had the balls to face it. my gift is my pain and i was a born leader that chose to play the role of a follower. within every leadership position no matter where, comes great opposition and critisism, any asshole can break a great man down and say what he should have done to prevent his failures but that same asshole will never have the balls or the heart to get in the arena and take those failures in and taste the pain that comes from that fight to do great things. alot of shouts come from the grey twilight but they are faint farts in the real light of things. somewhere along the way, i decided to stop taking the falls and the failures and did the easiest thing you can do in the face of all adversity, quit. 1000 days floated over me in the blink of an eye, i look back now and have no clue where it went, i just know it went fast and is gettin faster and if i don't get my grip on it, it will drag me into the grey twilight forever. i decided when i woke up this morning that i am a great writer, one of the greatest, a voice of a generation, a light for those that are broken and lost, a home for the homeless. and why am i these things? because i decided i am. it's that simple. you ask what gives me the right to say or even think this? take it up with god. this chose me and i've fought and struggled with it long enough, this is who i am and my victory comes with embracing it in all its pain, lonliness, and ugliness. for a long time i wanted nothing to do with it but it wants me so fuck it, i am here and no longer in the grey twilight and if you don't like my non conventional way of writing with poor punctuation, then i suggest you get used to it because i was born to break down systems and rebuild them for a better way of living, might as well start with the commas and periods. you fuckers that get bent out of shape over it never wanted me in your conventional world anyway and those of you that embrace it, i love you with all my heart for seeing beyond the commas and periods and helping my message rattle the spinal columns of an uptight twisted system that so desperatly needs a new vision and a new voice. i have been on the bottom too long, now it's my turn to taste the top. i am lonely, i am scared, i am broken, i am a vagrant, i am a lost, lazy asshole with the heart of an angel, i am a writer with a voice that is standing before you as honest as i know how to be and i am willing to fail for a new beginning, i am my dreams and i lay my fears to rest in the grey twilight.